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Insomnia Induced Insanity

Aug. 2nd, 2016 11:11 am R Words

First R word: Rape

Now, if you've read my fics, you know I like to keep them light and funny with a touch of darkness. But never, have I ever written something with the purpose of triggering things in people. And apparently that's what happened when I received this comment from a reader on AO3:

"She rapes him. Various times. Deceives him to have sex with her pretending she's someone else, stalks him to the coffee shop and his house, then has the n.e.r.v.e to call him a bully and still gets a happy ending? Wow."

Now, here is the link for the fic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1028143

I need a little help responding to her as I don't want her comments to go unacknowledged, but I also don't want a shitstorm in the comment section.

2nd R word: Retail Therapy.

I have been forced to buy clothes off the internet because I outsize the average Thai person by a lot - I'm not obese, just buxom. (UK size 14/16)

And because I haven't bought any clothes in two years, I needed some new items. The first was a new bra or two. Now thats an exercise in depressing me. I have a big size that is super expensive - Never spent so much time just searching for a bra that wouldn't bankrupt me.
Then there were the shoes I had to get as its frowned upon for teachers to wear trainers to school.
And then there's the shirt situation.
I'm gonna need therapy for all this shopping.

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Jul. 2nd, 2016 02:03 pm Just Say No..

While other people out there are saying yes to everything, I need to start to say no.

I offered to help a friend out by covering a class this afternoon. I was keen to do it. The money didn't hurt either.

But my body decided to make life difficult for me - or it may have been that 7/11 tuna sandwich I devoured after the show last night.

Anyway, I have been sick the whole morning. I texted the woman with the job as soon as I could to let her know I couldn't come in. I sent word out amongst the teacher community about the job to find a replacement.

And now my friend is super pissed at me for flaking on him.

And now I'm annoyed at myself for being forced into feeling like shit.

And the thing is, I love to help out. I really, really do. I will bend over backwards to help you with anything you ask. I will give you the shirt off my back. And it has bitten me in the ass a few times.

So, I think for the sake of my sanity, I will no longer offer to do anything or help anyone ever again.
They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I never really got it until now. Well, no more. Seriously. No More.

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May. 24th, 2016 10:50 am Debut!

So, I found some acting companies here in Bangkok.

In April, I did a production of Up Pompeii with BCT - amateur bawdiness - It was awesome.

And now, I am doing a proper, professional production with Culture Collective.

Deathtrap by Ira Levin

It has been one of the most interesting experiences of my life. I'm learning to act in a whole new way now, and the pressure to perform is on.

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Mar. 22nd, 2016 11:37 am Brain Failure

Oh dear, my brain has turned into a sieve.

I forgot about an important meeting yesterday and I realised I signed up for a fest and now i can't remember why or what my prompt was.

I think its because the past month has been a rollercoaster. End of school pressure, then my mate moving in with me for the month and my week long break to a tropical beach where I read a dozen books.

That's why...isn't it?

I'm on holiday until May. Oh dear.

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Jan. 27th, 2016 01:10 pm Here we go again...

So, you guys recall that woman I worked for in Mozambique who went out of her way to make my life hell for the 18 months I was there?

Remember how the stress of that as well as losing my fiance resulted in me having PTSD?

And then I moved to Bangkok to try a new thing in my life with less stress?

Yeah, well, my new job that I was really enjoying at my new school has managed to become awful because my co-ordinator / direct supervisor is a cloned copy of my previous boss.

I get palpitations every time I see a message from her or sit in a meeting with her. I panic about the smallest things because I can't seem to do them exactly as she wants because my kids haven't been trained like hers.

And she doesn't have a sense of humour.

Now, my last strategy was to be employee of the month. I am changing that to be the invisible employee of the month.
And i'm going to ask for a transfer to the high school section. It was recommended to me by another teacher who says its far less work than primary and no bitch supervisor, AND drama department needs a supervising teacher.

I'm tired of having women like that in my life. I can't handle the anxiety, especially when I can't afford to medicate it.

So I'm on a mental health day today and will return to school tomorrow with a can do attitude and smile. Just not today. Today I may make small children cry.

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Jan. 3rd, 2016 05:46 pm Hiatus

Hello one and all,

Just a PSA - I am the slowest writer on the planet generally but recently my well has run dry.


Because I like writing stories about people falling in love. The problem is, it happened so long ago and was overcast by such a tragedy, that I can't remember what its like. I can read all the stories out there, but my very own visceral experience has been erased. And without it, I am shooting blanks.


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Dec. 31st, 2015 02:57 pm Auld Lang...zzzzzz

I currently have a man sleeping in my bed.

Not like that you sewer thinkers...

We worked together about ten years ago and earlier this year, he texted me on facebook asking about Thailand. I told him the truth about the madness of expat life. He sold up everything and landed at Bangkok airport at 00:30am. We left the airport at 5:30am. Finally crashed at 7:30am.

I'm exhausted. And I can't sleep anymore. its now 3pm and I need to get another power nap in so I can at least see in the new year.

I have plans. Not external big plans. Just small ones, for myself.

Mostly - Self Discipline.

If I can have more of that in my life, then I should make 2016 an amazing year.

I hope the coming year will be your bitch, my friends.

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Dec. 11th, 2015 03:38 pm Xmas

so xmas is upon us...not that you'd know that from where i'm living. Xmas isn't really a thing to the buddists of thailand.

Thing is, I love xmas. i love the romance, the possibility, the cold weather, which in all honesty i've only had two of in my life. Is it the cold weather that makes xmas all it is?

I guess when you spend xmas on a beach, little else matters in life.

So, here's my xmas list:

Dear Santa,

All I want for xmas is y two front teeth...

Not really...
All I want for xmas is someone.

Thats all.

Someone to give a shit about me. Family excluded, of course. and friends.

Can I have someone for my own. Someone who thinks I'm amazing? someone to surprise me on xmas day with hot sex and a good brekkie?

i imagine a farm, one day, when i'm older. Its huge and the vines and hops are chilling and I have a big house and a huge tree and we're all hanging out. I'll be cooking all weekend, because I love it. Boozey cocktails and listening to my alternative xmas songs all the time.
I want my four kids and their kids running around. Everyone laughing.

But how do you start that? Find that right person...

Who is that right person??? If you're out there, please, please find me.

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Dec. 1st, 2015 09:34 pm Its beginning to look a lot like...

Wow, so November happened to me and happened in so many ways.

I got a job. A pretty good one. Not fabulously paid but better everything. Unfortunately, I still spent November in a state of borderline poverty. And that was when I had to:

1) buy new battery for scooter
2) buy new tyre for scooter
3) replace scooter oil
4) live on nothing.

My usual route of extra cash dried up as the kid was busy with school stuff and the other kid was drowning in homework so I had to swallow my pride and ask for help.

And wow - people are amazing. I made it through the month, got paid. Paid 50% f my back owed rent plus a full month so I won't be homeless and got money put aside for a new laptop as this one can't go unplugged and randomly shuts down due to power issues.

So essentially, November has been a rollercoaster. Emotionally most of all.

Highlights include going to the St Andrews Bangkok Society Ball (big deal) where a guy who is the MD of a HUGE PR firm asked for my resume. I sent it. He responded that he wanted it for when something comes along - so...not bated breath, but budding daydreams.

My kids are awesome. My class is full of these amazing personalities and I've had to figure out five different ways to explain ones and tens to a certain little girl - making me realise I have no business teaching first grade maths.

My sister surprised me with a last minute visit this past weekend which was awesome, but i'm still recovering.

The next 23 days are going to be like living in a Marvel movie - full fucking tilt. and then I shall head to Koh Samet for xmas on the beach. If only to catch my breath.

thats it. I need to take a long, deep breath.

I don't know when I'll post again, possibly in the next month.

Y'all have a brilliant holiday season and I hope Santa spoils you rotten.

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Oct. 3rd, 2015 10:11 pm Update

So...I am on the last few scenes of my reel_merlin fic. I shall send it in by midnight or something. My dramione_duet needs so much work. I have to reset it as I'm questioning why I set it in Vienna....

So, I'm officially a student and I'm loving it. Downside, I lost my job because of it, so i'm hustling on the job hunt.

I also woke up this morning and decided I was sick of my longish hair, so I cut it. Myself. In my bathroom. Its not great but its working for me.

I'm rewatching Sleepy Hollow. I'm not sure why. The fall season has some awesome new shows that are rocking my world. BUT, the stand out this year has to be KILLJOYS. what an awesome show.

I need to write a MCR reunion fic. Cos I miss them. And Bandom has died a swift death around here.

So, the motorbike accident I had a month ago has come back to haunt me. My right knee does this funny thing that if i touch under my knee cap, it burns on the right side of my calf. I'll go doctor it when I have time and money.

What's happening with you ladies out there???

Also, is it weird that I have better orgasms with my showerhead than normal sex???

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