Insomnia Induced Insanity
|Jan. 27th, 2016 01:10 pm Here we go again...|
So, you guys recall that woman I worked for in Mozambique who went out of her way to make my life hell for the 18 months I was there?1 comment - Leave a comment
Remember how the stress of that as well as losing my fiance resulted in me having PTSD?
And then I moved to Bangkok to try a new thing in my life with less stress?
Yeah, well, my new job that I was really enjoying at my new school has managed to become awful because my co-ordinator / direct supervisor is a cloned copy of my previous boss.
I get palpitations every time I see a message from her or sit in a meeting with her. I panic about the smallest things because I can't seem to do them exactly as she wants because my kids haven't been trained like hers.
And she doesn't have a sense of humour.
Now, my last strategy was to be employee of the month. I am changing that to be the invisible employee of the month.
And i'm going to ask for a transfer to the high school section. It was recommended to me by another teacher who says its far less work than primary and no bitch supervisor, AND drama department needs a supervising teacher.
I'm tired of having women like that in my life. I can't handle the anxiety, especially when I can't afford to medicate it.
So I'm on a mental health day today and will return to school tomorrow with a can do attitude and smile. Just not today. Today I may make small children cry.
|Jan. 3rd, 2016 05:46 pm Hiatus|
Hello one and all,Leave a comment
Just a PSA - I am the slowest writer on the planet generally but recently my well has run dry.
Because I like writing stories about people falling in love. The problem is, it happened so long ago and was overcast by such a tragedy, that I can't remember what its like. I can read all the stories out there, but my very own visceral experience has been erased. And without it, I am shooting blanks.
|Dec. 31st, 2015 02:57 pm Auld Lang...zzzzzz|
I currently have a man sleeping in my bed.Leave a comment
Not like that you sewer thinkers...
We worked together about ten years ago and earlier this year, he texted me on facebook asking about Thailand. I told him the truth about the madness of expat life. He sold up everything and landed at Bangkok airport at 00:30am. We left the airport at 5:30am. Finally crashed at 7:30am.
I'm exhausted. And I can't sleep anymore. its now 3pm and I need to get another power nap in so I can at least see in the new year.
I have plans. Not external big plans. Just small ones, for myself.
Mostly - Self Discipline.
If I can have more of that in my life, then I should make 2016 an amazing year.
I hope the coming year will be your bitch, my friends.
|Dec. 11th, 2015 03:38 pm Xmas|
so xmas is upon us...not that you'd know that from where i'm living. Xmas isn't really a thing to the buddists of thailand.1 comment - Leave a comment
Thing is, I love xmas. i love the romance, the possibility, the cold weather, which in all honesty i've only had two of in my life. Is it the cold weather that makes xmas all it is?
I guess when you spend xmas on a beach, little else matters in life.
So, here's my xmas list:
All I want for xmas is y two front teeth...
All I want for xmas is someone.
Someone to give a shit about me. Family excluded, of course. and friends.
Can I have someone for my own. Someone who thinks I'm amazing? someone to surprise me on xmas day with hot sex and a good brekkie?
i imagine a farm, one day, when i'm older. Its huge and the vines and hops are chilling and I have a big house and a huge tree and we're all hanging out. I'll be cooking all weekend, because I love it. Boozey cocktails and listening to my alternative xmas songs all the time.
I want my four kids and their kids running around. Everyone laughing.
But how do you start that? Find that right person...
Who is that right person??? If you're out there, please, please find me.
|Dec. 1st, 2015 09:34 pm Its beginning to look a lot like...|
Wow, so November happened to me and happened in so many ways.Leave a comment
I got a job. A pretty good one. Not fabulously paid but better everything. Unfortunately, I still spent November in a state of borderline poverty. And that was when I had to:
1) buy new battery for scooter
2) buy new tyre for scooter
3) replace scooter oil
4) live on nothing.
My usual route of extra cash dried up as the kid was busy with school stuff and the other kid was drowning in homework so I had to swallow my pride and ask for help.
And wow - people are amazing. I made it through the month, got paid. Paid 50% f my back owed rent plus a full month so I won't be homeless and got money put aside for a new laptop as this one can't go unplugged and randomly shuts down due to power issues.
So essentially, November has been a rollercoaster. Emotionally most of all.
Highlights include going to the St Andrews Bangkok Society Ball (big deal) where a guy who is the MD of a HUGE PR firm asked for my resume. I sent it. He responded that he wanted it for when something comes along - so...not bated breath, but budding daydreams.
My kids are awesome. My class is full of these amazing personalities and I've had to figure out five different ways to explain ones and tens to a certain little girl - making me realise I have no business teaching first grade maths.
My sister surprised me with a last minute visit this past weekend which was awesome, but i'm still recovering.
The next 23 days are going to be like living in a Marvel movie - full fucking tilt. and then I shall head to Koh Samet for xmas on the beach. If only to catch my breath.
thats it. I need to take a long, deep breath.
I don't know when I'll post again, possibly in the next month.
Y'all have a brilliant holiday season and I hope Santa spoils you rotten.
|Oct. 3rd, 2015 10:11 pm Update|
So...I am on the last few scenes of my reel_merlin fic. I shall send it in by midnight or something. My dramione_duet needs so much work. I have to reset it as I'm questioning why I set it in Vienna....Leave a comment
So, I'm officially a student and I'm loving it. Downside, I lost my job because of it, so i'm hustling on the job hunt.
I also woke up this morning and decided I was sick of my longish hair, so I cut it. Myself. In my bathroom. Its not great but its working for me.
I'm rewatching Sleepy Hollow. I'm not sure why. The fall season has some awesome new shows that are rocking my world. BUT, the stand out this year has to be KILLJOYS. what an awesome show.
I need to write a MCR reunion fic. Cos I miss them. And Bandom has died a swift death around here.
So, the motorbike accident I had a month ago has come back to haunt me. My right knee does this funny thing that if i touch under my knee cap, it burns on the right side of my calf. I'll go doctor it when I have time and money.
What's happening with you ladies out there???
Also, is it weird that I have better orgasms with my showerhead than normal sex???
|Sep. 7th, 2015 08:58 pm Bangkok Happened...|
Please please don't ask me how my Reel_Merlin is going. I had 12 pages, read it and decided it was shit, so three days from the deadline I'm starting from scratch.4 comments - Leave a comment
I would have had it done sooner, but things have been happening.
1) Border visa visits to Laos (two days of my life wasted - I would not reccommend Laos to anyone.)
2) University - I am now officially a student!!! I start classes in October!
Let me tell you a secret about the Thai school system, which is a reflection of the Thai culture - THEY DO NOT ENCOURAGE INDEPENDENT THOUGHT!
The entire country is a mother state where citizens are told - don't worry - the King or Military government will do all your thinking for you. And that's how you breed a state of beaureucrats. Seriously. My school director is all about the written lesson plans and such. then I'm spending too many lesson teachign them how ot talk, then too few, then I'm ahead of the other teachers, then I'm behind. ARGH!!
AND, AND, in one class - I have 7 - count them -7 psychopaths. One kid stabbed another with a pencil in the arm. I saw him spontaneously punch another kids the day before for no reason! And no actions were taken. Because in Thailand they do not punish / discipline their kids.
It is emotionally draining, to say the least.
Mostly because these are all spoiled Bangkok kids who are raised by Phillipino nannies.
My mate is currently squatting on my floor until she finds a place to stay.
This past weekend was my birthday - I had a few friends at a pool party hosted by a gay club entertainment group - cos they throw the best parties. Got spoilt rotten with free champers until the Fuzz shut the party down for sound level violations. It was a good night.
Next weekend, I'm pulling a Cinderella and attending a proper ball hosted by the South African Embassy. I need to go borrow a ball gown late this week from a new friend I made. I hope it'll be awesome. I even found glow in the dark nailpolish!!!!
Right..off to work on the fic...
|Aug. 6th, 2015 05:52 pm Procrastination 101|
Things I Should Be Doing:Leave a comment
Completing 4 Reader tests for my kids (Due last Monday)
Paying my bills (Due yesterday)
Finishing my Reel Merlin fic (Due - soonish)
Finishing my Dramione Duets fic (Due - soonish)
Things I Am Doing:
Listening to Pandora
Trawling AO3 for inspirational fics
Waiting for my laundry to finish so I can hang it up to dry.
Waiting for 7:30pm to do an online tutor session
My sister and her fiance are here until Saturday and while I love seeing them, the timing always sucks cos I'm working and I have adult responsibilities to take care of and I'm always always tired.
PLUS I am short on cash due to visas so I can't really take them out.
BUT I have two new students to pick up once this current contract is done, so that saves me some hassle in the finances department.
Anyone on Bangkok time to kick my ass into gear???
|Jul. 10th, 2015 07:19 pm|
I have cancelled my weekly extra corporate gig because it was killing me. 4 comments - Leave a comment
I now only teach for two hours per day on the weekends, which is comfortable - except for the part where i spend an hour on my scooter either way weaving through Bangkok traffic.
This gives me more time to hang out in my apartment and discover things about myself.
1) I am actually a pretty good cook.
2) When I sit at my desk without a bra, I can rest my boobs on the desk top. This leads to my back feeling unbelieveable amounts of relief.
3) I like the new shows that have come out eg Scream, Stitchers, Killjoys etc
4) I have successfully applied to do my degree and shall be studenting shortly.
5) My Dramione Duet is about 500 words in. My Reel_Merlin is 8000 words in and I've only hit one plot point so far. gaaaahhhhh
6) I rediscovered my love for Asterix comics.
7) My new spirit animal is Miranda Hart
8) I am definitely suffering from PTSD from the events of 2013-2014.
9) Hanging out naked in my apartment is not just a luxury, its a nessecity.
10) Doing yoga in my apartment turns into Bikram yoga with a lot of gross sweaty slipping.
11) There are no good yoga videos on youtube. Every single one of those yogis are as dry as a bowl of the granola they eat - without the nice raisins to make it fun. WHERE ARE THE FUN, JOKEY YOGIS?????
12) Y'all are Jon Snow when it comes to the heat. I live in a permanent summer. Haven't worn a sweater in nearly a year. And I love it!
And yes - I'm still here.
|Jun. 13th, 2015 12:18 pm Unsupervised Adulting|
Just when I thought I had got myself on track and was getting ahead with this being an adult thing, I do something so stupid.1 comment - Leave a comment
I put in a day's leave from work to go to the embassy and my uni to get some red tape handled.
The night before, I end up at Pattys enjoying their buy1get1 cocktail special. Next thing I know, I'm meeting up with a guy, buying late night pastrami sandwiches and heading to mine for some action. (That was awkward).
The next morning I'm so hungover I can't move. I sleep for most of the day.
Now, It's Saturday. I woke up early and had a feeling I had to be somewhere. Around lunchtime I remembered I had a tutor class! I quickly rescheduled for tomorrow.
I should just never leave my apartment. I should also stop going to Pattys.
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